Before we set of on our expat adventure in 2019, we had no idea what expat life would be like. Our heads were filled with daydreams of scuba diving days and bright sugary cocktails on beaches. But after living the expat life for over 4 year we have a good idea of what life as an expat is really like.

While we would recommend living overseas to anyone in heartbeat, living the expat life comes with some unique challenges and while there are generally more highs than lows, they are more extreme somehow. Read on to find out everything you need to know about life as an expat.

You are not on holiday-this is real life

Yes, we live on an island in the Caribbean and yes, we may send beach pictures to our family and showcase our insta-life but that’s all it really is. A show. Expat life is just life, but in another country.

We still have to do mundane things the same as we did back home, like going to work, taking the bins out, doing the washing, loading the dishwasher and paying bills. Contrary to popular belief, expat life is not all about hammocks and rum punches.

Finding new friends is hard work but they are out there

When you’re a child making friends is the easiest thing in the world, but as we grow up it becomes more difficult. I put this down to our own insecurities that people are judging us all the time. Not just that but we are also guilty of judging people, it’s human nature.

The first and easiest thing to do to start making new friends, is to let go of everything you believe about people and start fresh with that childlike wonder.

Whether it’s asking colleagues to come to the beach with you or going for a coffee with a stranger from an expat group on Facebook. You must pluck up the courage to talk to people and you will surprise yourself because at the end of the day people, are people, are people. No matter what their skin colour or their sexual preference or their religious views. Everyone in the world has the same hopes and dreams and doubts and fears. And when you find your new tribe, they quickly become the family you choose for yourself.

Once you find your new group of besties they may leave, and the process will start again. It is one of the hardest things about life as an expat. People will move on for various reasons, their contract might be over, or they want to go back to their home country or maybe they have an offer somewhere new.

Whatever the reason people will come and go and that’s ok. You might leave too, but with the internet and things like Skype, Facetime and WhatsApp it’s never been easier to stay in touch with friends.

You will develop expat guilt

Your friends and family from home won’t understand your expat life. Not because they are not good friends but because it’s impossible to understand something that is so incredibly different from what they are used to.

You can’t understand expat life unless you have been an expat, and as such they won’t understand your frustration that they expect you to always visit them when you have time off because why wouldn’t you want to come home? Or that you aren’t ‘coming home’ at all, because you already have a home.

You will miss important occasions

In our first year living as an expat we missed my Dads 60^th Birthday, Lewis’s brothers 40^th Birthday, multiple best friends 30^th birthdays and my parents Ruby wedding anniversary. There will also be emergencies, new babies, weddings, and funerals that we will miss and one of the hardest things about expat life is realising that life goes on with or without you.

People will move on and you will learn who your real friends are

Accepting this is part of life as an expat. You can’t keep in touch with everyone and the people that matter most will make an effort to stay in contact. It can be difficult with time zone differences, but if you want to make it happen it will. And with all the different ways to stay in touch these days it’s not as hard as it used to be.

We have family chats once a week on zoom and we have a family group on WhatsApp for both mine and Lewis’s families so we can share photos, memes and inside jokes. We also have regular video chats with our best friends to keep up to date with them and their families.

People who truly want to stay in contact will reach out consistently or even come and visit you in your new home and they will get a better understanding of your expat lifestyle. For every person who tries there will always be some who embrace the saying out of sight out of mind. You will get used to it and the people who matter the most will still be there for you.

Your new friends will be from all around the world

Since becoming expats we have made friends from loads of different places. At home all of our friends were English. Now we have friends from England, Ireland, St Kitts, Trinidad, USA, Canada, Mexico, Brazil, France, Belgium and Germany.

And we work with people from even more countries than that. Our circle has broadened and so has our mindset and we love learning about their cultures, food, politics, beliefs, superstitions, and traditions.

Your way of thinking will change

When you live in one country your whole life, you don’t know anything other than that. You read the same newspapers, watch the same tv shows, you will only see one point of view. If the covid-19 pandemic has taught us anything it’s that when you are wrapped up in your bubble you call home, you have no idea how the outside world views you.

For example, the UK is being used as an example of what not to do in a pandemic to the rest of the world. But when we speak to people at home they think it’s all good what the government there is doing. They have no idea what the rest of the world is saying. And it’s not just what we hear in St Kitts it’s what our friends are telling us about what they heard from their families in other countries too.

We are also far more aware of what is happening in the world. Like the hurricanes in the Bahamas, and the death toll in Italy, and the earthquakes in Puerto Rico, and the BLM protests in the USA. Not because it affects us directly but because our eyes have been opened to the world around us.

You will become a minimalist

You realise that all the stuff you have hoarded over the years is meaningless and the most important things are good friends and great experiences. We made a moving abroad packing list when we were leaving and got rid of so much stuff.

The things we didn’t get rid of we put into storage. Every time we go back and face the dreaded storage unit we throw out more things we are no longer attached too. Even the things we have in St Kitts we reassess regularly to see if we are using it and if we really need it.

Mostly we acquire new things on impulse when we return to the UK or when people leave the island and we take on their things. But we have way less stuff now that we used to have, and we don’t regret it.

If we wanted to move to a new country again, we would probably give up most of our things and just take a couple of suitcases with clothes and start again. The only things we have in excess now are kitchen gadgets and that is only because Lewis loves to cook with gadgets and gizmos.

You adapt to new surroundings and become more resourceful

Life as an expat can be tough when you crave things you loved from home. Living on an island there is not always a guarantee that what you find in the shops one week, will be the same in 2 months’ time.

We have had to get creative with things and learn to love new foods we wouldn’t have tried at home. There was a shortage of good potatoes for a while so instead we made breadfruit and plantain fries and mash.

Likewise, our favourite gyozas are no longer stocked at the Chinese supermarket so we learnt to make them from scratch. We have also embraced baking so we can have cookies, brownies and muffins on demand.

Buying imported goods is an expensive business and there is no such thing are 3 for 2 here. We have had to learn to make lots of things ourselves. Learning to eat the good stuff when it’s in season is a great money saver and we can’t wait for local mango and avocado season!

One of the downsides of living in a humid climate is the heat and the amount of sweating you do. It makes my hair so greasy all the time and usually I would wash it or use dry shampoo. The dry shampoo here is imported so recently I made my own from cornflour and cocoa powder it smells so good. And it means my hair will be less wrecked from being washed all the time. Even getting a haircut is way more expensive than at home, so now Lewis trims my ends for me when it starts looking bedraggled.

You will learn patience

Trying to navigate your way around setting up a bank account, or taxing your car, or getting insurance or even driving in an unfamiliar country can test your patience. I can only imagine how difficult it is in another language.

Hopefully you will know plenty of people who have done it before, and they can show you the ropes and impart their wisdom. Eventually you will learn to embrace the new ways and it will become second nature.

You may even start showing newbies how to do these things you once found difficult.

Don’t compare your new country with your old one

There are going to be a million differences between your new country and your old one and the worst thing you can do is compare them. The prices will be different, vegetables will look different, the way they store food will be different, the meat tastes different, the list goes on.

The last thing anyone wants to hear is you moaning about how it wasn’t like that in England or the US or wherever. Reality check…You’re not there anymore! So, stop acting like a spoilt brat and get over it.

If you embrace the differences and accept the new way of life you will learn new things and you will be a better person for it.

You will lose old hobbies and gain new ones

This is tough because it can feel like you are losing a part of your identity. Back home I used to roller skate but here there’s nowhere to skate and the roads just aren’t safe enough. I also used to play the drums, but I couldn’t bring my drum kit with me so that stopped too.

I have started reading so much more now though, at home and on the beach. And as a couple we go swimming and snorkelling all the time together and we go scuba diving as a couple. Our friends all play volleyball and even though we suck we are always welcomed to try and play.

It can be intimidating to begin with to put yourself out into a new community, but learning new hobbies is a great way to meet people. So, if you are struggling to make friends joining a club or starting a hobby can be an ice breaker.

You will have highs and lows

In day to day life sometimes things will seem to suck and nothing will go to plan. It will be massively overwhelming, and without your regular support network you will feel like falling apart.

But you have to remember that not all days are bad days. Yes, you will feel homesick and wonder what the hell you were thinking. Especially when significant events happen at home, or when you would normally be surrounded by family and friends like Christmas time.

But you will also have amazing times and create spectacular memories that you won’t ever forget.

Like the new year’s eve bonfire on the beach watching the fireworks from a nearby hotel. Or your first ever thanksgiving. And the Christmas day dinner when you realised everyone is in the same boat.

Like the weekend trip to another island where you realised what an awesome group of genuine, caring, loving people you know and you realised how much you love your island family.

Home will have a whole new meaning

First and foremost, home will always be England. It is where I was born and raised. It’s where my parents are and my brother and his family and my aunts and uncles and cousins and friends. It’s where I look my first steps and learnt how to talk and read. It’s where I gained my qualifications and became a veterinary nurse.

I also call St Kitts my home, because it’s where I live with Lewis and our 3 cats. It’s where all our things are and where our jobs are. It is where our island family live and where we relax in the evenings and on the weekends. It’s where we go back to after we have been on holidays.

When we go back to England nothing much has changed. Our friends and family still live in the same places, with the same jobs, eat in the same restaurants and drink at the same pubs, and that’s ok.

If we had stayed, we would be doing the same. But now it feels less like we belong there and more like we are tourists. We have changed and our horizons have expanded.

Our world is bigger now and now that we have left we can go anywhere. It won’t make a difference for anyone else because home will always be home. But we have discovered this life as an expat and the freedoms that come with it and we don’t plan to give it up anytime soon.

If you are a person who loves routine and thrives on knowing where things are in the supermarket. Or exactly how much it costs to buy your weekly shop then expat life is not for you. Just go on holiday.

If you’re the opposite and you love the thrill of learning a new language, or driving on the wrong side of the road, or making new friends. Then you will enjoy living abroad where nothing is familiar. Life as an expat is one giant adventure full of new challenges so go for it!

Are you thinking of becoming an expat? Or maybe you are already and want to share your experiences? Let us know in the comments below!

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